Narrator: Three quick moving shapes track the band of Saruman's orcs and uruk-cows that have abducted Pippin and Merry. Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli follow the obvious trail of foot and hoofprints along the river Anduin. Unexpectedly, they come across the shattered body of Boromir.

Legolas: Look! Is it not Boromir lying broken on the rocks there?!
Gimli: It would appear he must've ate a few to many Lembas and didn't clear the river when he was cast from the Falls of Rauros Bridge.

Aragorn: Brave, brave Boromir, you shall not have died in vain!
Boromir: Uh, oh, hello guys. I'm not quite dead, actually.
Legolas: What miracle is this?!? He yet draws breath!
Aragorn: Well, you shall not have been mortally wounded in vain!
Boromir: I-- I-- I just have a few, minor really, compound fractures of my legs and arms... a bit of internal bleeding. I think I could-- I could pull through...
Aragorn: Oh, I see... and the arrows?
Boromir: Uh, well, there was this band of orcs that came by with Pippin and Merry... they sort of thought it was funny to use me for target practice. Then they-- they broke my horn.
Aragorn: Curse they that would despoil a noble warrior of Gondor so! My kinsman, I swear to you that you shall be avenged for these foul deeds!
Boromir: I-- I think I'll be fine, really now...
Legolas: He has lost a staggering amount of blood.
Gimli: Well, those arrows and the bones poking out of him probably has a lot to do with that, ya' know.
Boromir: Actually, I think I'm all right to come with you--
Aragorn: No, no, valiant Boromir! Stay here! We will send help as soon as we have accomplished a daring and heroic rescue of Pippin and Merry in our own particular... [sigh]
Boromir: Idiom?
Aragorn: Idiom, right!
Boromir: Honestly... I feel fine, actually--
Aragorn: Yes, as may be, but the trail of orc footprints and cow droppings turns west from here onto the plains of Rohan. There is simply no way to bring you with us.
Gimli: What about putting him in one of those boats over there, then?
Aragorn: Excellent idea, Gimli! The river will take you on to Osgiliath, dear Boromir. From there, the sacred Valar willing, we should meet up again in Minas Tirith.

(sometime later, a boat is readied and Boromir is loaded into it)

Aragorn: Farewell, gallant Boromir!
Boromir: I'll, um... I'll just stay here in the boat, then, shall I? Yeah.

Legolas: Ummm... Aragorn? I just thought of something we might have overlooked in our haste.
Aragorn: Oh, really, what is that?
Legolas: Wasn't the whole reason we got out of the boats when we did because we didn't want to die going over the always fatal Falls of Rauros?
Aragorn: Uh oh--
Boromir: AAAIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
[thud]
[crash]
[whoomp]
[splush]